Prohibition hurts the rule of law, finances criminals, affronts science and there are many more reasons why legalisation and regulation is a much better idea. In a series of blogs experts try to shake up politicians, since they that – with elections in sight – have to change their course! This time: Stef K, rehabilitated addict and employee at Correlation, a European network of harm reduction organisations.
‘The war on drugs fights a fantasy, and blames the vulnerable individual’
I always lived in extremes. I was always looking for something, trying to fill a void, although I didn’t realize it at the time. I was obsessed with dance, sports, food, whatever. This cycle of ‘obsessions’, and addiction, can both be trademarks of borderline personality disorder – which I was diagnosed with in the aftercare of my addiction treatment.
Addiction
When I moved to Amsterdam from Ireland, I was in an abusive relationship with a frequent drug user and experimenting with drugs frequently gave me so much freedom. I used cocaine as a way to change how I felt. I never really enjoyed the drug;– it made me anxious and I never knew how to use less. Over time I got more and more physically dependent on it. I was hiding my use from everyone. I did not want to go to a doctor, because I was so ashamed. I thought they would think I was a freak, the only one doing something I felt was so shameful. At some point I was using 3 grams a day and could no longer work. Somehow extreme use made my world small, like my own little bubble. But I was losing everything else. Finally, I got help.
'Somehow extreme use made my world small, like my own little bubble. But I was losing everything else'
That was 3,5 years ago. I went to a treatment centre in Scotland for 15 weeks and then did 6 months of individual therapy and currently group therapy in Amsterdam. All while being part of a 12-step program. Those meetings and fellow people in recovery are so important for connection to those who understand. But therapy is crucial for me, to heal the part that made/makes me want to escape in the first place.
Harm reduction is incredible
The harm reduction mindset and healthcare system of the Netherlands are incredible, at least in comparison to Ireland where I am from. There is so much awareness here: information posters on the toilet, drug education in schools. Amsterdam is not pretending that drug use is not going on. I think the process definitely could be improved. The tier system of treatment takes very long: I had to go through weekly sessions at Jellinek when I clearly needed to get to a treatment centre. I could have been dead in the meantime.
However in Ireland I would never have gotten the help I got here. I relapsed a couple of times, in those moments the only person I was truly honest with was my GP – he is incredibly sympathetic. Addiction and relapse is a lonely place – connection is the cure to that.
'Addiction and relapse is a lonely place - connection is the cure to that'
For me, abstinence is the only healthy way to go. I cannot live the life I want to have if I use cocaine. Once it is in my system, it has full control over my life. But everybody is different and should be able to choose. Many people who use drugs can do so normally; they can use in a safe way, and not become addicted.
Shame dies in the light
After my treatment I wanted to work in an area related to care, to somehow use my experience. I volunteered at the Regenboog Groep and through that found an English-speaking job at Correlation, a European civil society network monitoring European harm reduction organisations to collect data on best practices and trends to hopefully influence European Harm Reduction policies.
At Correlation we motivate policy change for the benefit of the user and to reduce stigma. Policy is often made by people in offices with no real experience with people on the street. Currently we are housed in the same building as a Drug Consumption Room (DCR) and an ‘inloophuis’ for undocumented migrants. I sometimes go into the DCR at work to vape. For me personally this location helps to create a connection between us and the people using the ones truly impacted by harm reduction policies.
'I am very proud of the people who use the Drug Consumption Room. They choose safety and connection'
I am very proud of the people who use the Drug Consumption Room. I kept my using completely hidden, always alone, which is dangerous. They choose safety and connection by going to the DCR. Shame dies in the light, which is something they say in the 12-step program. The less people feel shame, the more they can be honest, and hopefully feel and bit more in connection with themselves and others.
I have learned to be an even more compassionate person through my work there. I have seen the alternative of harm reduction in other countries: men with open wounds from knee to foot from injection, groups on the street that have forsaken all basic comforts for a substance, even children high on a liquid they took from car batteries. Addiction can affect anyone, it doesn’t discriminate. I do not believe you are ‘stronger’ if you never struggled with addiction.
Normalizing reality
The Dutch government has basically said that users are part of the criminality, but that is the same as making individual consumers responsible for the plastic recycling of corporations. The reality is that the war on drugs has failed. It is fighting a fantasy. And blame tends to fall on the more vulnerable individual.
'The fact is: drugs exist. They are part of our world and always have been. The demonizing of use is more modern'
The fact is: drugs exist. They are part of our world and always have been. The demonizing of use is more modern. When politicians call for a ‘safe street’, they also mean ‘without drug users’. But those are people, where do they go? Best case scenario, they migrate to another part of the city. I want everyone to be safe and feel seen above all. My wish is no-one would struggle with addiction, that people find their path to abstinence or harm reduction if that’s what’s right. But mostly that for people struggling with their drug use, that they feel part of society, not demonized from it. There is enough pain as it is.
Modern society uses drugs; lets normalize this reality instead of stigmatizing it. I can’t stress enough how important compassion and kindness are for those dealing with drug use. I think there will always be an underworld, there will always be unhealthy use, but I love that the conversation is happening to think differently about it. It makes me excited what the future could be like – one of compassion and inclusion.
Stef K.
Rehabilitated addict and employee at Correlation, a European network of harm reduction organisations
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